Last week I attended the annual AWP conference for the fourth time; it’s probably my favorite to-date (even if it appears I’m allergic to Denver).  Here are my take-away items from this year’s gathering in the order that they were learned:

1) It’s amazing just how many hours of excruciating I’m willing to sit through for ten minutes of awesome. (This lesson plays on repeat for the entire conference.)

2) The quote from Mean Girls, “Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It’s like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs,” continues to be true no matter how old I get.

3) Gina Barreca is one of the most awesome and generous people I’ve ever met.  (Buy her books; she’s one hell of a writer, too.)

4) Women who are loud, Southern, and ambitious – and aren’t apologizing for any of it one bit – are excellent reminders that I’m just fine as-is.

5) Ditto being around thousands of people whose parents would probably prefer that they had gotten an MBA instead.

6) Michael Chabon is funnier than I expected.

7) I miss being in Lee Gutkind’s class, when I could give him weekly hell instead of annual hell. I don’t think he returns those feelings.

8 ) I should have gone to the car show that took place in the Convention Center at the same time.

9) Tod Goldberg’s game of turning small press and journal names into emo bands makes walking through the gargantuan bookfair a little more manageable (and a lot more fun).

10) Don’t eat lunch with Tod Goldberg because he will wait until you have food in your mouth to tell the funniest joke you’ve heard in your entire life. I’m surprised anyone a) finished their food b) didn’t choke and die.

11) Being in the presence of someone ridiculously good looking makes it almost impossible to write a check.

12) Hanging out with someone for the first time that I’ve known online for over a decade is one of the good-weirdest experiences I’ve ever had.  Where do you start that conversation?

13) I will be telling my grandchildren about how I heard Etgar Keret and George Saunders read on the same night. (Note to self: all those years you skipped the big speakers at night were your loss.)

14) For every drunken assclown, there are a dozen genuine people who are enjoyable to talk with.

15) Meeting a woman whose work I published at Hot Metal Bridge, and seeing the joy it brought her, is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had.

16) The folks over at Briery Creek Press continue to be my favorite.

17) Leaving Saturday when we were only half-worn-out instead of Sunday when people are usually homicidal was the best decision ever.

18) No matter how much fun AWP is, that first night back in my own bed is a more-than-delightful event.